One of the many things in life at school that irks me the most is the so-called “survival of the fittest”.
I remember my teacher explaining this to us way back sixth grade. It was my most favourite subject, Science, and she was explaining how predators live their life.
School is very toxic, which I always say, and for you to get good grades you must at least eat your book, cut your left leg and sacrifice your blood to the goats. It’s very intimidating and honestly, it makes you want to live under the rock forever.
Unfortunately it’s twice the trouble if you’re surrounded with people who will leech the hell out of you and just leave you when they’re through. Your so-called friends wouldn’t be your friends anymore because grades matter more; because they’ve got to be the best; they’ve got to be the last man standing.
Seeing friendship mend and broken hurts me a lot.
I’ll proof-read this maybe next time.
I’m tired of living.
This is even an understatement
but I’m just freaking tired to describe
and find the perfect fit so I’ll leave it to that
You have to meet people’s expectation;
live by the rules,
think about the future,
My life is pointless.
And I know
True enough, people wish to die.
I decided to write this post because I want my readers to know something about my life. Something shady and something hidden. Everyone of us has flaws, or something we’re not comfortable doing; everyone has insecurities— they (yes, because I do believe that we have many) may be concrete or even abstract.
Anyway, the common insecurity one possesses is their looks, and I’m no exception of it. Like what my previous post tells about me, I’m an only child and usually the center of tease because i used to be very chubby. True, I’ve lost weight but then it’s never been enough. I always say to myself that I’m not thin enough, not good enough, not pretty enough. I am aware that beauty is relative, and its definition differs from one person to another, but the point is I will never be as beautiful as the people I see in the magazines, in the internet, in TV. At least in my point of view. It saddens me that I can never see myself beautiful enough because… I’m not thin enough.
I’ve never had a problem with bulimia or anorexia, but my self-esteem is bottom rock. There are times when I’m super hungry, and then there’s this food that I want to terribly eat, and then I begin regretting eating the food the moment I finish consuming it. It has always been a cycle, and the more the cycle continues the more I despise how I look, which also is the reason why I don’t like going to parties or socializing with many people.
Most people pretty much spend their time surfing the internet and it is not very unlikely for them to meet people all over the world and consider them as their “online friends”. Most adults seem to judge this, though. Since you’ve never met them in real life, they question their kids and warn them to be careful on who they are chatting with.
This post is about a person I met on Tumblr. I don’t exactly know when we became friends or how exactly did we become friends over the computer, but I do believe that distance could never be a hindrance towards our friendship.
The first picture above is Katelyn. (And yes, you guessed it right, that’s me below) Again, I have no clue on how we became friends. If you know me personally, I’m the type of person who doesn’t spend too much chatting with other people or texting. (Yes, I’m a bad friend). I think it started when one of us messaged another and then boom, ~friendship~ Anyway, we never had a constant conversation, and personally, I just know a handful of personal information about her and so does she, but in my honest opinion, I consider her as one of my friends on Tumblr.
I don’t know if this post has direction or what, but all I just want to say is that she’s my friend. I may have met her only through here, but still I consider our friendship valuable, and I’m so proud I’ve met Katelyn in my life :)
Yes, Katelyn. This is an appreciation post for you!!
May is coming into its end, and I’m not so sure how I’d react to this. So instead of ranting about how life constantly sucks or how draining school and my course could be, I’ll contribute something for the benefit of the incoming gullible freshies of FEU. (okay, maybe you guys are not so gullible at all, but when I was your age… you don’t know how bad things are)
As people become well acquainted with me, they begin to know that I’m an only child in the family. Their response will always be an expected one, which goes like “Wow, you must be spoiled. I wish I could be like you, too.”, and then I’ll just smile like what I’ve been doing for years or just shrug.
Being an only child is a gift and a curse, I could say. Presumably, all things have its pros and cons, and this one is no exception. When I was little, I used to be overweight, and was always the center of tease. This led me to have low confidence in myself or none at all. My mother wouldn’t let me go outside to play with the other kids, too; so when my cousins moved into Manila, I was happy because I finally had playmates during weekends. In 2005, we moved to another city where I spent my teenage years, so their visitation finally ceased.
Puberty managed to spare some kindness in my life. My self-esteem somehow boost up from zero to 10%. This was because I finally got to meet people who know how to style themselves, who aren’t afraid to speak up for what they think is right, who are full of spirit. Eventually, I became friends with them, and the rest was history.
From where I stand, it made me independent and strong willed since I don’t have a companion who can abide with me 24/7. Sometimes, I wonder how it is to have someone who you can share everything with, who knows everything about you and at the same time someone who can irk you until your lungs come out of your mouth. Whenever I think about the future, it makes my knees tremble knowing that there’s no one who’s got my back when I fall. Sure, friends are there to help you, but the concern a sibling will have for you is completely different in my opinion. My parents, on the other hand, are too old to support me with whatever I need in my life, and by that time I think they’re already done doing favors for me.
I wonder if I’m not the only one who have thought this, though.
In Through The Lens | Tissues in the Body